Oh For Fuck's Sake!

I can feel a full-blown anxiety attack coming on. It starts with a mild anxiety over something,...

Wed, 22 May 2013 13:11:00 -0400

I can feel a full-blown anxiety attack coming on. It starts with a mild anxiety over something, which lingers for a day or two, interrupting my sleep patterns. Then, when those are good and messed with, suddenly everything else makes me anxious. I relive every awkward thing I’ve done, moment I’ve had, or situation I’ve been in, starting the present and working my way back.

“Oh god, that was awful, this is awful,” is my running mantra.

Due to sleep deprivation, a churning and burning stomach, and now a tightness in my chest because I still haven’t been able to get over that one thing that happened in 3rd grade that one time, I feel like shit. I get hyper, but irritable, my temper is short, and I’m distracted, can’t focus, I lose my train of thought. I get defensive and my worry over every little thing I do, say, even my very existence compounds until I start thinking about how things would be better if I just didn’t exist at all. People could be like, “you know, that Haley girl was weird, at least I don’t have to deal with her any more,” if I were dead. These aren’t suicidal thoughts by any means, just the irrational thoughts of someone who is gearing up for a full blown anxiety attack.

Then it hits and I can’t function. I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything because the second I try my thoughts start screaming, “why are you doing this? you’re doing it wrong! people think you’re stupid! you’re just going to fuck it up anyway! just go away, go away, go away.”

I have to wait for it to pass. The lead up can take days, but usually the worst of the attack only lasts a day. Because by that point I’m so exhausted from a week of not sleeping and my brain in overdrive that I just shut down. I shut down and sleep for 12 hours straight, or I curl up in a little ball in the middle of my bed and just lay there.

And then, like someone flipped a light switch, it’s gone. The anxiety is gone. Thoughts that started a cold sweat 24 hours before, that made my chest hurt, and my finger tingle to the point that I wondered if I was having a heart attack don’t bother me one bit. I’m kinda numb and out of it for a day or two as everything resets. ”Did you try turning it off and turning it back on again?” I tell my brain wryly, because that’s exactly what happened.

Valium helps. But I got my prescription for back pain and can’t easily refill it, so I save it for the worst times. Usually a double-dose of benadryl to force me to sleep does the trick. Today, I’m at home with the animals curled up around me. They’re all snoring, except the cat, he’s purring. I’m going to do some work so I quit feeling guilty about calling in sick today. Then I’m going to take a valium and go to bed and hope that somehow that resets my brain and this attack will end. Tomorrow I ride, and that usually helps too.

think-progress: Posters in Washington State Capitol claim gun...

Wed, 22 May 2013 11:02:08 -0400

think-progress:

Posters in Washington State Capitol claim gun laws are just like anti-gay discrimination. Just no.

usnatarchives: From May 22 to 31, the digital collection of the...

Wed, 22 May 2013 10:59:07 -0400

usnatarchives:

From May 22 to 31, the digital collection of the USCT Service Records will be free on www.Fold3.com.

On May 22, 1863, the War Department issued General Orders 143, establishing a Bureau of Colored Troops in the Adjutant General’s Office to recruit and organize African American soldiers to fight for the Union Army. With this order, all African American regiments were designated as United States Colored Troops (USCT).

Today marks the 150th anniversary of the USCT, and the National Archives is pleased to announce the completion of the USCT Service Records Digitization Project. In partnership with Fold3, the project provides online access to all service records—more than 3.8 million images—of Union volunteers in USCT units.

Remember: All National Archives collections on Fold3.com can always be viewed for free at a computer at any National Archives facility nationwide.

The photo and paperwork above come from the compiled military service records of former slave Edmund Delaney. Read his story on the Prologue blog.

Photo

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:36:11 -0400

"Juggling the personal with the political isn’t easy in a biased society. We are, even the most..."

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:26:22 -0400

“Juggling the personal with the political isn’t easy in a biased society. We are, even the most diligent of us, influenced by gender, race, and other identities. And we make personal and professional decisions based on a variety of needs and pressures. Judging each other without acknowledging these influences is uncharitable at best and dishonest at worst. A tiny top and a traditional marriage should not be enough to strip a woman otherwise committed to gender equality of the feminist mantle. If we all had pundits assessing our actions against a feminist litmus test, I reckon not even Gloria Steinem and bell hooks would pass muster. Women must be allowed their humanity and complexity. Even self-proclaimed feminists. Even Queen Beys.”

- Tamara Winfrey Harris, “All Hail the Queen?” (via la-animaux)

I told my assistant that I had some edits on a pdf she made. So I left comments in the google doc...

Tue, 21 May 2013 12:57:33 -0400

I told my assistant that I had some edits on a pdf she made. So I left comments in the google doc using the full original text of the sentences I wanted changed and the full edited text, even if I was just changing one word.

She wrote me back an email that said, “you need to be more specific.”

Bitch, what?

Photo

Tue, 21 May 2013 12:49:29 -0400

jellynotjam: We apparently have two frogs in this house now.

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:47:55 -0400

jellynotjam:

We apparently have two frogs in this house now.

fyeahhistorymajorheraldicbeast: WHERE DOES ONE BEGIN? By...

Mon, 20 May 2013 18:26:57 -0400

fyeahhistorymajorheraldicbeast:

WHERE DOES ONE BEGIN?

By fyeahancientrome

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 14:12:41 -0400

hedgehog-goulash7: wauwy: I finally caved and tried watching “Elementary.” Wow, serious mistake...

Mon, 20 May 2013 12:04:45 -0400

hedgehog-goulash7:

wauwy:

I finally caved and tried watching “Elementary.” Wow, serious mistake on my part.

How are you going to pretend you’re preserving the integrity of the canon when you make Clyde, the famous SEA TURTLE of the ACD stories, into a BOX TORTOISE?

Is anyone seriously pretending they didn’t do it just to pander to the thalassophobic masses?

ugh, I’m disgusted.

plus the leads are too hot. NEVER AGAIN. Fuck you, America

best review ever

People who feed dogs vegan diets are animal abusers.

Mon, 20 May 2013 10:58:56 -0400

People who feed dogs vegan diets are animal abusers.

jellynotjam: So…this happened today. Everyone, meet Ziggy...

Sun, 19 May 2013 20:06:34 -0400

jellynotjam:

So…this happened today.

Everyone, meet Ziggy a.k.a. Ziggy Stardust! She’s the newest member of our family! We adopted her from a wonderful local rescue group. She’s 5 years old and was raised around small dogs, cats, and kids. Guys, I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome she is. She’s so sweet and mellow and has already made Jack her bitch. And her tail hasn’t stopped wagging since we brought her home.

There will need to be some adjustment time, of course, but so far she’s been a harmonious addition to the pack and we could NOT be more pleased to have her!

Welcome, Ziggy!!! :D

This is what we did with our Sunday afternoon.

"Yes, false rape accusations happen. Run the protocol anyway. I’ve heard that perhaps the military..."

Sun, 19 May 2013 01:20:35 -0400

“Yes, false rape accusations happen. Run the protocol anyway. I’ve heard that perhaps the military has the highest number of ‘em. True or not, RUN THE PROTOCOL ANYWAY. Because in 15 years of investigating rape accusations, I can count those that panned out as false on one hand. Meanwhile, the one time I almost skipped the protocol, the one time I almost didn’t believe a petty officer, because I was naive as an investigator and a young woman, because her commanding officer described her as “a party girl, always late, always out drinking, don’t bother with this one”, she turned out to be the victim of one of the most brutal assaults I’ve ever investigated. She shouldn’t have still been -alive-, let alone up and making the accusation. So let me repeat: five false accounts in fifteen years. And one time I almost failed a woman ‘cause of the bullshit way it’s normal to talk about us. Take your shipmates’ word, and then run the protocol. Every. Single. Time.”

- - JAG lawyer, speaking to my husband’s plant during Sexual Assault Prevention Month. (via circusbones)

My wife says ‘ridiculous’ when what I think she...

Fri, 17 May 2013 20:33:39 -0400

My wife says ‘ridiculous’ when what I think she means is ‘cool in a hipster sort of way’

Five major scandals the media isn't obsessing about

Fri, 17 May 2013 14:23:13 -0400

think-progress:

Are these things more important than edits to talking points? Judge for yourself.

1. Carbon pollution reaches historic highs, threatening human existence

2. The devastating impact of sequestration on kids, cancer patients and first responders.

3. Massive cuts to food stamps for the most vulnerable.

4. 1,100 workers die in a Bangladesh factory collapse, and American retailers continue business as usual.

5. 4,150 gun deaths from gun violence since Newtown.

todaysdocument: Major General Winfield Scott’s Order No. 25...

Fri, 17 May 2013 11:25:39 -0400

todaysdocument:

Major General Winfield Scott’s Order No. 25 Regarding the Removal of Cherokee Indians to the West, 05/17/1838

Following the Indian Removal Act and the controversial New Echota Treaty, the Cherokee Nation agreed to exchange their lands in the southeast for lands in Indian Territory (present day Oklahoma) in a move to be completed within 2 years.

Many Cherokees ignored the treaty and refused to move or begin making preparations for removal. As a result, Major General Winfield Scott was ordered to ensure compliance with the treaty and given a large force of regulars and additional state militia and volunteers to force removal if necessary. Nine days after his arrival at the Cherokee Agency in Tennessee, Scott issued General Order 25 on May 17, 1838. In it, he named the members of his staff, established three military districts to expedite “collection” of the Indians, and urged his troops to treat the Indians in a humane fashion.

via DocsTeach

buzzfeedceleb: George Takei responds to fans of traditional...

Fri, 17 May 2013 00:17:49 -0400

buzzfeedceleb:

George Takei responds to fans of traditional marriage.

lemondifficult: bidenette: Le boom.

Thu, 16 May 2013 23:17:01 -0400

lemondifficult:

bidenette:

Le boom.

I just bought a pair of cotton olive-green rolled-cuff shorts. I’m from Oregon, you should...

Thu, 16 May 2013 17:37:00 -0400

I just bought a pair of cotton olive-green rolled-cuff shorts.

I’m from Oregon, you should just all be aware that it’s a matter of WHEN not IF I will wear those with tights and clunky ankle boots.